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blankasees in ninepatch9


Frances here. When Carol wrote she did not follow my "return to sanity", I worte the following to her.
Dear Carol,

Thanks for your comments. I appreciate and enjoy them.

A "skeptic" is one who doubts and doubting is questioning at some level. When I begin all sort of doubt in my life, it casts a pall over my day and the whole situation. The more I question and employ the girl who needs so much to " be smart" the worse it gets.

You see, the girl who needs to badly to "be smart" is the gullible one who has been taken advantage of, who did not make "right " choices and who other women says, "She got herself into it" and " She should have made a better choice." ( It's called blaming the victim.)

Sometimes the situations I worry about at not even real-- at least not in today. Perhaps they were real and I ignored it twenty years ago. Perhaps it did happen in my family and was ignored by all, these echoes can sometimes sound real.

I need to believe in myself, to remind myself I am doing the best I can. Today I can do that, last week, I had a couple of doubting days. Nothing changed except me-- but the whole situation is now better.

I do have a FORUM comment to edit and get back to you-- maybe even today. I am cleaning off and on. But it's so boring I don't stay at it, so I come and sit at the computer! Oh well, work is getting done-- one way or the other.


Carol replied:

Thank you for your beautiful explanation. It makes a lot of sense and helps me understand how we think and muddle through. I can overthink, too. I'm afraid of overthinking this and offering suggestions and appearing to "blame the victim" to blame you. I'm afraid of change, because all we can change is ourselves.

You describe being skeptical as "doubting and questioning", which to me is our dark side, just as being victimized is a dark experience.

You say the situation is better, yet you were unconvinced by JK's words, adn his words did not mention his intentionss with his other relationship. Are you still unconvinced? If not, how have you been reassured? In your own head? Denial? By domse action/demonstration of his?

Dare I stir the pot by asking if you have tried to be more open/direct with your husband about your fears/suspictions/lack of trust? Another option/choice you have is to tell the other women how your husband's visits to her make you feel.

At the moment, you appear to be on the "high road", doing/thinking nothing and allowing the situation to develop/resolve itself. This may be a good thng, we don't know.

If I've overstepped my bounds, please tell me.

With love and care,